Its week 3, my countdown started July 4th 2013. Its official. I am leaving this ratchet place. I must go. I must free myself from the things I see everyday. I have so much in my head...I have been needing so desperately to release. I turn to the vices and people I know...but the reality....honestly...none of these things will get me to Texas with my ultimate goal of gaining independence. That is why I picked July 4th you know, because that day, will be my independence. That will be the day(a year from the 4th) where my army (my boys and I) will pack and move to a greater state of being. To me this starts with so many things...This is a journey I need to astound on...and I shall do just that, on this medium no less, and I wish to share it with you. Today I deem each one of my entries, my therapist....and like my therapist in the past, I learned to take your advice with a grain of salt.

To take what I need from you and progress in my life that is suitable to me and my situation. I am welcome to feedback, but this is my attempt to clean my closets out before I lug the wrong things to Texas, and that right along with booking the Uhaul, is on the list of "the things I need to do before I can leave" list. I will try to keep my entries short, but being a blog writer in the past I found that the rants were the BEST part of it. I think so fast sometimes that my blogs may be riddled with misspellings and curse words and...and...and...All I ask of you is your ear, may be if you feelin' it, relate, share, advise, enlighten, encourage.

I want to journal these moments, to have something to look back on when I am confused as to how I made it through. Oh...don't let me get you to thinking I don't know where my salvation lies. I know there is a higher being somewhere out there that is looking out for me, I call him Jesus. Now, for all MY liberal friends out there...I know you twitching in your seats about that name, but when I tell you my Jesus has no face, no particular voice, he is my friend and we talk the way I best communicate. He talks to me, and I feel his presence and for the sheer fact that I'm still around after the decisions I have made I know someone WAYYY smarter than me is at the wheel. Moving right along, these are my thoughts open and out for the world, because at the present there is not a soul here that I feel I can say these things to...but, they need out, because I need room for the memories of happy that I am hoping to create by moving somewhere I can blossom.

I have had shit loads of problems that it would take 50 blogs to run through them, but I have not time for that, I have a year to grind out....and by hook or crook...that will happen. Every wrong step, right step, back step I will purge here on these 1s and 0s (techie talk)....I will pull out this keyboard and roll these letters til the day of my arrival to Texas. I need this. I need to let it out...Who knows....might even have a poem or two left in me...I know Damon would like that...Til next time diary....

*thanks for reading. a lil of me. see you next time.*